12 Things Your Mom Forgot to Mention About Men

1.  There's a wrong way to mow?

2.  Sometimes hair grows in mysterious places.

3.  Yelling at the TV during a sporting event seems to make the players play better.  Except in golf.  All must be whispered.

4. There will be burping and farting. 

5.  Will.  Do.  Anything.  For.  Homemade.  Cookies.

6. There seems to be some sort of special relationship bond with shoes--none can be gotten rid of for any reason. 

7.  His offspring will act like him at the most opportune of moments.  (See number 4)

8.  Do not schedule anything (like weddings, baptisms, birthday parties, birth of children) during major sporting events like the World Series, the Superbowl or the Final Four. 

9.  Will eat anything.  Once. 

10.  Carefully wording requests while serving his favorite cookies will get the request accomplished much more quickly. 

11.  If he's ever wrong, be careful how you point it out to him.  See number 5. 

12.  When you marry your best friend, you can overlook all of these things because he can make a list with double the number of things his mother forgot to mention about women.  Just sayin'.

Random Dozen

1. Would you rather host party or simply attend a party?
How about neither?  I know that's a surprise to a lot of people.  
 
2. Tell us about the most memorable party you've been to. 
 I really can't answer this question because I have no memory of memorable moments at a party I have been to.

3. What is one thing you hope for in the after-life?
I hope I will serve a useful purpose.  Not like flies.  They throw up on your food.  What purpose does that serve?
 
4. What do you enjoy most about sunshine?
It warms my bones.  It warms me to my very core...I love the way that the world looks when the sun is shining.  Everything is cleaner, brighter, happier when the sun is shining. 

5. When you attend a bridal/baby shower, do you prefer to bring your own gift or chip in with others to buy a larger gift?
I feel a little wishy washy this week.  Depends.  At school, I think that it is better to chip in and get a larger gift.  On the street, I like to do my own thing.  Like one time we went to a couples shower (my husband REALLY enjoys this 'new' thing) and the couple was in their 30's.  My gift to them was the makings for a human banana split.  Chocolate syrup, cherries, whip cream.....you know the drill. 

6. Would you rather have a FREE week of having your house cleaned or all of your meals cooked for you and your family?
Hands down and on your knees with a cleaning rag I will take the house cleaned.  I lovelovelove to cook and can see little point in cleaning.  Why clean when there are so many books that need to be read?

7. What song describes your mood today?


 
8. What is something you received for your own bridal shower/wedding that you still own or use?
Stainless steel pots and pans.  ON BRAND pots and pans.  My mother-in-law still has the Saladmaster set she got for her wedding 52 years ago.  That's my goal....let her son live that long without me doing him in and have the same pots and pans for 52 years.  I figured it up and they both need to last until 2039.  
 
9. Your favorite flavor of ice cream is?
Wwweeeellllll.  Again.  Wishy washy.  If I have the chance to go to the dairy bar on campus, I choose strawberry.  If I am eating alone, I choose Bunny Tracks by Blue Bunny.  If I am only buying one for the family, I choose cookies and cream--the on sale brand.  
 
10. When was the last time you felt "tested?"
February.  Enough said.   
 
11. "[Fill in the blank] is a food that once I start eating I find really hard to stop."
Anything that comes in the form of food.  Fried food.  Cookies.  Fresh veggies.  Strawberries.  Watermelon.  And the list goes on.....
 
12. "-----" is the best motivation.
A class reunion.  No, really, think about it.  I want people to know who I am WITHOUT my name tag.  Just sayin'.  

Random

1. What is one really fast, know-by-heart "go-to" meal to fix in a pinch?
Mexican.  Just had it in a pinch on Monday night.  I was at the store at 6:10 and we were eating dinner at 6:40. 
 
2. What is one item you won't leave home without. (Purse and license do not count.)
Good hair.  Bad hair can just ruin everybody's day. 
 
3. Where is one place you never tire of visiting?
My sofa.  I am dibbing the sofa for Friday night.  So if you are in my gene pool, plan accordingly. 
 
4. Share one factoid of your family's history.
My 'people' eased on over to the big butt line instead of the big boob line.  Praise the God of gene pool issues.   
 
5. Complete this sentence: "Once upon a time I ...."
....Was thin and beautiful and lovely to visit.  Oh wait.  It's still true today.  
 
6. If you could win a one year's supply of anything, what would it be?
This was hard.  I had to poll my people.  And the people said....pencils.  Or root beer.  Thin and crispy pizza.  Can you tell that I live with a bunch of comedians?  It's not as fun as it seems.
 
7. "One quirky thing you may not know about me is ...."
I do NOT like the sound of running water.  You know like those beautiful ponds people put in their yards with those little waterfalls that sound like babbling brooks?  
The sound of soothing water sounds makes me want to pee down my leg.  My children tease me that they are going to choose a nursing home for me that has a huge water feature right in the center.  Paybacks are hell.  Buy stock in Depends. 
 
8. You have one dollar in your pocket. What will you buy?
Caffeinated beverage.  
 
9. "One thing that always makes me laugh is ...."
My family.  
 
10. What is one thing you could do today to help yourself reach a personal goal?
Keep my mouth shut.  
 
11. What is one thing you could do today to bless someone else?
Keep my mouth shut.  No really. 
 
12. What is one thing you're looking forward to soon?
Friday at 1 pm.  School's dismissed!

Randoms

1. What was the last thing about which you procrastinated?
Getting out of bed this morning.  It's just too hard to pull back those covers and jump into the world.  12 get-ups.  

2. How long does it take you to fall asleep, and do you sleep through the night?
I look forward to the day I sleep through the night.  Oh wait.  I have gene pool issues--I am my grandmother's child and will probably sleep through the night....NEVER.  If I sleep through the night more than twice in a week, I am lucky.  I usually spend 30 to 60 minutes going to sleep.  I watch TV, read or play my nintendo DS.  

3. Which decade would you choose to exemplify your favorite fashion styles?
Who says I have fashion style?

4. What is your personal best dish to feed a crowd?
Cookies.  

5. Are you an impulse shopper? What was the last thing you bought on impulse?
I am only impulsive shopper at the grocery store.  I bought on brand graham crackers and already made frosting. 

6. What is one wish you have for your own funeral?
I better not be wearing underwear or else.  Enough said.  And I mean it.  NO UNDERWEAR.  I will haunt you....

7. If it's true that joy is in found in the simple things in life, what does your joy look like today?
Coffee and a newspaper.  

8. What is your favorite type of bread?
Homemade country white bread with homemade peach jam.  And real butter. 

9. What trait do you fear developing the most? (Laziness, greediness, grumpiness, etc.)
Grouchiness.  It's a gene pool issue.  I know that some of you are thinking that I have already developed this trait.  If you are related to me, shut it.  If you are not, then shut it.  We all have faults.
 
10. What trait would you like most to develop?
Getting my foot out of my mouth.  I constantly blurt stuff out and later think why on earth did I say that out loud?  Like the answer to number 9.

11. Which room in your house best reflects your personality? Why?
The clean one.  Oh wait, none of the rooms in my house are clean.  

12. How do you maintain balance in your life regarding, work, family, church, other organizations and activities, and blogging?
I drink caffeinated beverages.  Just sayin'.

Randoms

1. Have you ever been so lost that you were really afraid?
Nah.  But I am a chicken butt.  I wouldn't go if there was a chance I could be lost.  Or hurt.  Hard to believe, I know but I really am not a huge risk taker.  

2. Have you ever been to an island?
I'm there everyday.  I am an island.  Believe me, there ain't nobody swimming to save me.  Until they need clean clothes or groceries, I will be on the island.  

3. Are you more of a thinker or feeler?
Eh.  Really?  I think I like to feel chocolate on my tongue.

4. Do you tend to see issues or situations in life as black and white or shades of gray?
Eh.  Really?  I am on an island with chocolate and shades.  

5. If you were stuck on an island, what book would you hope to have with you (Let's pretend the Bible is already there, so you can't say that.)
Eh.  Really?  Just one.  I am the person who takes a separate bag for books when I go on vacation.  Last summer, we had the rule that we could only take two bags on vacation.  I guess I would hope that I had The Red River of the North series by Lauraine Snelling.  Those books are my very favorite books.    

6. What are you most afraid of?
Yikes.  It might be easier to go with what I am not afraid of.....

7. Would you rather lose all of your old memories or never be able to make new ones?
I call uncle on this one.  I simply cannot answer. 

8. Pretend I'm looking at a scrapbook page about you. There are three spaces for you to drop in individual pictures. What are those pictures of, and why did you select them?
My wedding picture.  This was the single greatest thing to ever happen to me.  This man....
makes me a better person every day.  He makes me live life.  He makes me laugh out loud.  He....is all mine.

And then there is the "I'm a MOM!" picture.  I look frightening but you know what?  There is no greater feeling than that day.  That picture is just over 20 years old.....and that feeling still hasn't gone away.  And when I repeated that incredible feat 4 years and a month later....oh my.  It just doesn't. get. any. better. 

I know I have 4 pictures, but the pictures of my kids counts as one.  Sometimes you just have to bend the rules.  Or break them.   Because none of this life I have would have been possible if I hadn't been loved beyond belief by these two women:  

My Grandma and My Mom.   

(Yes. That's me in the red sweater vest with the large bow.  It was the 80's.  It's what all the really cool people wore.)   

9. If you were re-doing your wedding, what would you do differently? (If you're single, tell me one thing you would do if you were planning a wedding OR huge party.)
Afternoon wedding with a cake and punch reception.  And a HUGE honeymoon. 

10. Tell me one thing you know/believe about forgiveness.
Forgiveness is tough. 

11. You're waiting in a doctor's office. What is your favorite way to pass that time?
Read.  Read.  And read some more.  Sometimes I secretly hope that my doc is running behind just so I can read in peace longer.  I know--be careful what you wish for......

12. If there were a clone of you in a parallel universe what is one way you hope she/he would be the same as you and one way you hope she/he would be better?
I really hope there's not one out there.  One of me is enough for a lifetime.  Yeah, I am that awesome.  Just sayin'.

Easter Dozen

 



1. How do you feel about the marshmallow Easter Peeps?

Blechk.  My kids love them and their Grandmother buys them for them anytime she can find them.  Did you know that have Peeps for 4th of July?  And Christmas?  Of course, being teenagers, they have the common sense not to eat them ALL at once.  Really.  Seriously. 

2. Chickens are notoriously nervous creatures. When you are nervous, what is the best way to calm down?

Nervous?  Who me?  That's a lie.  I have never been nervous in my life.  And if you ask my mom, whatever she says is a lie.

 3. People say, "April showers bring May flowers." Do you enjoy Spring rains?

As long as the rain occurs when my school kids are home with their parents, why yes I enjoy spring rains.  During the school day?  Not so much.  Inside recess?  Not at all. 

 

4. When I was randomly flipping through TV channels this week, I saw a show in which tattoo parlor employees received tattoos of a co-worker's face on their bodies. I can't imagine having a portrait of a colleague tattooed on me. But if someone forced you to receive a portrait tattoo (face only) of anyone, who would it be? Why?

You can't make me, I won't do it.  

5. Would you rather have a tattoo (any kind) or a nose ring?

 See number 4. 

6. Do you have any special plans for Easter?

Off to Granny's we go!  My job is to bring frog eye salad along with cheese and crackers.  

7. Cadbury Eggs or Reese Eggs?

Reese, baby.  REESE.

8. What was the last thing/person you took a picture of?

CYO convention kids this past weekend. 

It's a lie.  I am in this picture.  Duh.

9. What book are you reading now, or what was the last one?

The Wednesday Sisters.  Group of young mothers who meet in the park and 'grow' up together.  I just started it Monday night, but it left me wishing for a snow day so I could read my life away.  

10. What do you think is the most difficult task when it comes to Spring cleaning?

Getting started. Cleaning seems overrated.  Reading a book is a much better choice. 

11. How many pairs of flip-flops do you own?

 Actual rubber thongs?  Oooohhhhhh.  I love those shoes.  Unfortunately, my feet, legs, butt and back do not love those shoes.  I own none. 

12. Which color makes you happiest?
I have always loved purple.  I don't wear it but I do love it.  When I was 5, my dad asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I responded, "A big, purple dog."  And I still have that purple dog.  

But one time someone who doesn't love this dog as much as me let it rest against the heat register. It's a good thing that I am in tune with this dog or it could have burned up.  And even maybe the house.  

And one time, my mom was re-wallpapering her bedroom and she let me choose the wallpaper.  Yep.  I chose purple and white checked.  IT was a real small check and it was completely beautiful.  The best part--she bought a purple bed spread.  I loveloveloved that room.  Too bad I don't have a picture of that room except in my mind.  Just sayin'.  

A Quick Update and Randomness

Yes.  I know.  I have been MIA.  I apologize to my loyal readers.  Please forgive me.

I am tired.  Very, very tired.  The end.









1. Have you ever fired a gun or shot a bow and arrow?
Bow and arrow.  Girl Scout camp late 1970's.  I loved Girl Scout camp.  Heck, I loved being a Girl Scout.
 
2. Do you know where your childhood best friends are?
Yes.  She lives in her grandmother's house, therefore if I need her, I can find her.  
 
3. Do you usually arrive early, late, or on time?
Depends.  Church?  A little early.  School?  If I left on time, then I would worry about being there on time.  Ballgames?  Almost always late.  Do I go anywhere else?  Not so much.
 
4. Are you more of a New York or California type?
I am going with California.  Small town California.  Sandy beaches and warm weather ALL THE TIME.  Right now I cannot tell you how much I hate cold weather.  I am hoping that I wore that horrible, terrible pink sweater I have worn every week since November for the last time today. 

5. Do you have a special ring tone?
Why yes.  Yes, I do.  Let me share....


Yep.  Jealous?  I think that I have a friend that calls me while she's in the same room with me just so she can hear my ring.  No more love on the run..... 
 
6. What is your favorite type of chip?
Lays.  Freshly opened bag.  They ARE a source of potassium.  
 
7. Best comedy you've ever seen is ....
The Hangover.  Do not watch this with your under high school age children.  Totally inappropriate and yet...I laughed until I cried 17 times. 
The Ref.  The most appropriate use of the F bomb ever.  
Airplane.  I paid money to see this movie and I can say that my children think that this is a hilarious flick.  
Caddyshack.  Greatest ever.  The pool scene is classic.  
Ferris Bueller.  Bueller?  Bueller?  Bueller?  
Fast Times at Ridgemont High.  All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.  
 Fletch.  Coach and I watched this on our first date.  Oh yeah, it's a date movie. 
 
8. Have you ever cut your own hair? To quote Dr. Phil, "How'd that work for ya?"
No.  
 
9. If you were going to have an extreme makeover, would you rather it be about your house or your personal self?
Gosh.  This is tough.  I really could use a new kitchen and bathroom--OK.  I could use a new every room.  But I announced today that I was throwing away all my winter clothes at the end of this season of hell and starting over for next winter.  So I could use a personal self makeover--cuz this muffin top I am sporting isn't as cute on a 43 year old as it is on a 3 year old.  No lie.


10. Are you allergic to anything?
Cleaning.  Grading papers.  Cold weather.  
 
11. Why is it so hard to change?
Not sure about this one.  As long as you make it seem like it was my idea, I'm in.  

12. One last question dedicated to February love: CS Lewis said, "To love is to be vulnerable." Please share one example of that assertion or share any thought you'd like to about this topic.
 Stinks eggs but it is part of living life.  It hurts worse when it's your kids.  Just sayin'. 

Random Dozen

1. If you could compete in one Olympic event (not necessarily winter sports) what would it be?
Swimming.  I do love that sport and I can actually participate because it doesn't involve running.  
2. Do remember a specific Olympic moment from the past?
Actually, I do.  Nadia Comaneci in 1976.  I very much wanted to be a gymnast as I am sure every little girl did at that point.  She was just amazingly spectacular to watch.  It was mesmerizing.

 And yes.  You must be a woman of a certain age to understand.  For the rest of you, google it.
 
3. Have you ever known anyone who competed in the Olympics?
Nope.
 
4. If everyday activities were Olympic-worthy, which activity would you have a gold medal in?
Bossiness.  Ask my brother.  
 
5. Do you know anything about your ethnic heritage?
Nope.  I have people and that is all I know.  They spoiled me rotten and loved me to death, so who really cares?
 
6. Do you enjoy sleeping late?
Um.  Well.  Yes.  But it's not so much sleeping late as much as not getting around.  I love to sit, drink coffee and read the newspaper.  I can wear my pajamas for a long time.  My friends have seen me in my robe on several occasions. 
 
7. Have you ever performed CPR on anyone? Do you know how?
Nope and yep.  I hope I never have to use it.
 
8. Name one country you'd like to visit and explain why.
Greece.  I think it seems like a very romantic place.
 
9. Have you ever fixed up a couple romantically?
I keep pointing out cute boys to College Girl.  Does that count?  Of course, if her face freezes like that, then she won't ever get a husband.  

 
10. What is the last book you read?
The Help and I highly recommend it.
 
11. Do you enjoy sleeping late? NO, YOU write the question! How's that for random??  Ok, Lid. You asked for it.  Here's my question......How do you feel about underwear?
I hate underwear.  They're just stupid. 
 
12. What is your favorite meal at your favorite restaurant?
Cheeseburger and fries.  Just sayin'.   

As has been my usual custom of late....these questions come from Lid at 2nd cup of coffee....feel free to join in!  (The first 6 come from Kelley at I Didn’t Know That! Thanks so much, Kelley! And can you please help us out with #4???)

1. Do you use the labels various charities send you as “free gifts?”
Um.  Duh.  Yeah.  But I don't send money.  Sorry.  I didn't ask for your 'free gift'.  

2. What is your favorite time of day (or night) for skywatching?
Taking a walk at dusk as the sun is setting is a pretty good feeling.  

3. What is the most adventurous you've ever been with trying a new food? (Keep it G-rated please)
Adventurous with food?  Um, no.  I eat food.   

4. Have you ever heard a rock sing? (Trust me, there's a reason for this one!)
What are you smokin', dope?  A rock sing.  Nope.  

5. If you could learn a language you don't presently speak, what would it be?
The Queens English.  Arthur, King of the Britts.  

6. Al Capone's tombstone read, “My Jesus, Mercy.” If you could write your own epitaph, what would it say?
Just sayin'.

7. If you were a famous musician who was known by one name, like “Cher,” “Sting,” or “Jewel,” what would it be? It doesn’t have to be your first name, but it can be, if you’d like
Saucy.  Coach gave me that one.  I hope it doesn't mean what I think he might think it means. It's not the fourth Saturday so I might be safe.....

8. Have you ever been inordinately “into” a television show?
Why, yes.  Yes, I have.  I still pine for Knott's Landing.  Did it get any better than the cul-de-sac with Valene and Gary Ewing?   Sid Fairgate?  Greg Sumner?  Karen Fairgate and the evil temptress, Abby? 

Oh my goodness gracious sakes' alive I lovelovelove that show. 

9. When you sneeze, do you go big, or do you do that weird “heenh!” sound that makes people think you’re going to blow your brains out? Any other variation we should know about?
I attempt to be rather quiet.  But do you ever worry that when you sneeze that you might accidentally squeeze on off?  I am thankful for padded pews at church.  

10. Do you still read an actual newspaper that you hold in your hands, or do you get your news elsewhere?
I get three daily newspapers.  2 morning and 1 evening.  

11. Are you a good speller?
I do try to be a good speller.  Sometimes I fail.  

12. At what time each day do you start thinking about Lost lunch?
I must confess that I think that the show Lost is kind of different.  Different in a Twin Peaks sort of way.  So I only think of it when I want to make fun of it.  Sorry in advance if have offended any readers.  But to answer the real question....I pack a lunch cooler each day so I think about lunch in the morning when I pack the cooler.  And because I teach kids, I often smell lunch for a long time before I ever get to go to lunch.  Some days the smell isn't so great.  Just sayin'.

Random Dozen

These questions come from Linda over at 2nd Cup of Coffee.....and join in the fun! 

1. So I was thinking about how Jon Bon Jovi never seems to age much. His hair is smaller nowadays, but he still manages to look like a boy somehow. And then that made me think of the story of Dorian Gray. Question: If you physically lock in one age for yourself, which would you choose and why?

I am really good with the age I am.  Next month I will be 43.  I am good with it.  We just had a 100 year old member of our community pass away and I am good with being 100.  Life is what I make it.   


2. What is the best dish that you cook or bake (your piece de resistance?)

Coach says homemade noodles.  

3. When you feel blue, what is one strategy you use to help yourself back to normal?

Music.  

4. When was the last time you danced in public?

June 2009 at a wedding dance.  

5. Do you consider yourself a realist or dreamer?

According to Coach and his assistant....A real dreamer.  Coach and his ASSistant say that this question is too hard.  They want to know why she doesn't ask something like are you a smartbunny or a dumbbunny(not the words they actually used)?  They CLAIM they could answer that question.  

6. As a parent, what is one thing that you have done well?

I have nice children.  

7. Which is your favorite character on the Andy Griffith show?

That's a real tough question.  Otis?  Barney?  Aunt Bea?  Opie?  Definitely not Andy's annoying lady friend.  I think I am going to go with Barney.  He's my kind of guy.  Conscientiously goofy.  

8. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you know about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.?

Eh.  6?

9. Have you never been mellow? Have you never tried … to find a comfort from in side you? (Sorry, Jorge was singing that song just now, and it just seemed to be perfect timing as I was creating this week’s questions.) REAL question: What is your #1 driving pet peeve?

Nice blinker, buddy.  

10. Which color best represents your mood today? Care to elaborate?

Red.  As in I was red hot stinkin' mad at 8:30 in the morning on Tuesday.  Suffice to say it involved a copy machine.

11. If your spouse were an animal, which would he/she be?

Bear.  As in Winnie-the-Pooh. 


12. What activity takes up the bulk of your time on an average day?

Driving my children to events.  

Random Dozen

1. When was the last time you craved a food--what was it, and did you cave?

This is going to sound like I am a pregnant person but I forging ahead with the information.....I recently happened upon a snack that will cover all my cravings--sweet, salty, healthy--pretzels dipped in peanut butter with a banana slice on top.  I know, I know.  Who craves healthy food?  And yes, I cave every time.  It's just better for everyone that way.
 
2. M & M's or Skittles?
  
M&M's all the way.  Preferably peanut butter M&M's.  


3. Have you ever read the Bible completely through?

No.  
 
4. How long does it take you to really wake up in the morning?

Um.  Yeah.  A while.  I do not pop out of bed.  And for land sakes, DO NOT talk to me until way later in the morning.  
 
5. Have you ever been on a cruise? If not, would you like to?

I have never been and no, I don't want to go on a cruise.  I am a motion sickness person and constant rocking doesn't appeal to me in any way, shape or form.  
 
6. Who is your favorite actress?

Depends on the day.  I enjoy Sandra Bullock and Debra Messing.  Right now, I am really liking Julianna Margulies in The Good Wife.  I can forgive her for Snakes on a Plane.  Everybody has to eat and pay bills.




7. ______ is something that I will just never understand.

Hurting children
 
8. How much of a technology junkie are you?

I plead the fifth on this one.  
 
9. Do you enjoy selecting greeting cards for people, or is it more of a cultural "have to" for you?

I enjoying spending time in the greeting card section of the store.  Especially the humorous card section.  I had a friend that I exchanged cards with for years.  She never missed my birthday and we were always sending cards back and forth.  I never knew how much that meant to me until she was gone.
 
10. When was the last time you got a new style/haircut?

Every four weeks.  On Thursdays.  I am all about my hair.  Currently, 'we' (as in the hairdresser) are letting my hair return to it's original color.  This could be interesting.  Or not.  
 
11. What do you enjoy shopping for most?

Groceries.  Shoes.  Not necessarily in that order.  
 
12. What's the last thing you think of before you leave the house?

Do I have my school keys?  Do I have my phone?  Is the coffee pot off?