Soapbox 101

 I received an email earlier this week with the following subject:

Vending Machines are Going Away

Really?  Seriously?  Oh my.  Read on.....

"At its May 12, 2010 meeting, KSBE adopted a policy that requires all accredited K-12 schools in Kansas to implement the Advanced level of the Kansas School Wellness Policy Model Guidelines for foods and beverages sold in vending machines by August 2010.

Specifically:
The sale of Foods of Minimal Nutritional Value is not allowed on school property in elementary and middle schools until after the end of the school day."

It goes on to say that our vending machines will be removed by the end of the summer.   

I laughed out loud.  Are you kidding me?  

I am convinced that I am alive today because my teachers were allowed to have caffeinated beverages.  I had a couple of teachers that drank coffee all day.  In fact, anyone who spent 5th grade with me is alive today because the teacher--I may have mentioned her--she's the one with the pointiest boobs I have ever seen--drank an ice cold Pepsi in a glass bottle EVERY day after recess.  Her boobs might have been pointy but she knew what she was doing.  

This is the stuff they leave out of teacher school.  No foods of minimal nutritional value, a ream of paper a month that you must check out of the office and carry to the copy machine, and plan your trips to the bathroom accordingly.  

This cannot be good.  Our vending machines aren't available to our elementary kids.  They are available to our elementary TEACHERS.  People who occasionally need some sort of food of minimal nutritional value in order to continue the day.  I am certain that there have been days when a candy bar and a diet Coke have saved the lives of those shorter than me.  That's pretty much everybody because I am 5'11. 

I am a grown up for heaven's sake.  I can choose food of minimal nutritional value if I want to choose food of minimal nutritional value.     

Surely there is more to the story than this email belies.  Surely they do not mean to take the vending machines from the teacher's lounge that children do not have access to purchasing items from AT any time of the day.  Surely this is a bad dream.  

But I betcha it's not.  I'm getting a Snickers while I can.  And don't even get me started on the copy machine.  Just sayin'. 

 

Soapbox 101

Issues.  I have issues.  Lots and lots of issues. 

This comes as no surprise to anyone who is related to me. 

So we're in church on Sunday morning.  It's a beautiful morning.  Church was a little warm, but nothing that required me to remove my denim jacket covering my ever increasing muffin top.  Everybody go 'whew'.

Smack. Smack.  Whisper.  Rustle.  Smack. 

Really.  Seriously. 

Smacksmack.

Yep.  Gum in church.  Really.  You know.  I do not claim to have had perfectly well behaved children in church.  We made our fair share of trips down the isle and out the door for some 'conversation' on the front steps.  You know the kind of conversation I'm talking about--the kind that involves the mom talking close to the ear while holding tightly to the arm of the child.  Spitting may be involved.  We have finally gotten them to stop laying bets on long the homily will last.  Oh wait.  That was the parents. 

Smacksmack. 

Gum in church.  This is quite possibly my biggest church pet peeve.  I am sure that over the years people have blogged about my childrens' church clothing.  Oh well.  They were there and they participated.  Or else.  And by participate I don't mean sing.  I mean stand up sit down stand up sit down.  Turn to the right page in the missalette and follow along.  Stand up sit down. The Dad and I placed ourselves accordingly.  Child Adult Child Adult Child.  Sometimes we still have to sit that way.  I refused to fight over what they wore because they were going to church willingly.  But they were NOT allowed to have gum.  I am not telling you they didn't ever have it but I tried my level best.

And not just gum in church.  Gum that is being chewed like cows chew cud.  I mean really.  Yesterdays incident involved a little girl who is 6 or 7.  Who should know better.  Don't you hate that phrase?  And I do think that she knows better.  It took everything I had not to turn around and offer her a kleenex for the gum.  It was loud.  Loud enough to be heard over the guitar playing cantor.  Loud enough to be heard over the feedback from a strangely placed microphone.  Loud enough to be heard over the stand up sit down.  Loud. 

And I'll be danged if I didn't look up and see a grown man chomping away on his gum.  Really? 

Let's be clear on my expectations....I like gum.  I like double mint gum.  I like spearmint gum.  I enjoyed a piece of gum tonight while at a meeting.  I passed the package around suggesting that several people take some gum in order to keep their mouths busy.  Gum has its place. 

There is no place in church for gum. 

Today when I saw her in the hall, I almost mentioned the no gum in church rule.  I stopped myself today.  Tomorrow, I might not have such restraint. 

Soapbox 101.  Just sayin'.