I wake at 4:50 and think, "gee I can sleep 10 more minutes before I have to get my fat butt out of bed to walk on the treadmill." Then it is 6:30. This never happens to me. For real.
Hop out of bed...that's a lie. I never hop out of bed. Gently ease out of bed and begin to think that warm cereal would be good for breakfast. MaltoMeal? I think not enough fiber. Oatmeal? Eh. Girls don't like old-fashioned oats. Oh wait! I am 'eating from the pantry'....so I found this:
MMMMM.....this ought to be good...5 grams of fiber per serving....140 calories and .5 grams of fat. Perfect for a woman of a certain age! I cannot tell you how absolutely disgusting Zoom tastes--even with brown sugar, cinnamon and vanilla. I ate about 1/2 of it and announced to my family...."I don't believe that this will be gone from the pantry anytime soon." Make plans to throw it out when Coach isn't looking. This is, after all, his purchase.
Shower uneventfully. Get dressed uneventfully. Choose shoes. Eventfully. I just couldn't decide what shoes to wear. It was a dilemma. Finally choose and load up to go to school. And by this time it appears that I have already smoked my resolution to be on time to school. Pretty impossible to be at school at 8:00 if you are driving out of the driveway at 8:01. Oh well. I crank my pump up song of the day and cruise to school. Yep. Hit. Every. Light. And have to wait to turn onto school street.
Once I am in the building...let crazy rain down.
At 10:00, we go to break. I go to the bathroom. Wash hands for an extended amount of time. Stomach flu has hit community. Wash hands some more.
For some reason, I am kind of standing with my hands on my hips and for whatever reason feel compelled to feel my butt. You know how sometimes you are just led to do something. Just an unexplained need to run my hand down my butt. (Kind of like the time I 'caught' a 7th grade boy looking at me with eyes that said I see something I shouldn't but I don't know who to tell but somebody's gotta know NOW and it occurred to me that my pants might be unzipped? And they were. And he saw the teacher's magenta granny panties and they weren't exactly what he wanted to see.) It's that feeling.
There's a hole in my pants. Um, yeah. A hole in my pants. Kind of a slit/tear. My pants are black but my underwear are not. Just my luck.
Dilemma. Do I rush home and change pants? Do I sit in my chair all day? Do I? Do I?
I stayed at school. I went about normal business. And do you know that no one looks at my butt? Not one person noticed that slit/tear. No kidding. I go through the whole day and even sat in a meeting from 4 to 5. Praise God not one person noticed the hole.
At some point in the day it occurred to me that my teeth felt weird. I just felt like my teeth didn't feel right. I just couldn't put my finger on it. I ran my tongue over them several times and I just felt strange.
Yep. After putting it all together, I didn't brush my teeth on Tuesday morning. My routine was smoked when I didn't get up at 5. I was simply 'off' all day. I DIDN'T BRUSH MY TEETH. And nobody noticed. Again. Hole in my pants and disgusting breath.
I'd like to tell you that the day got better from this point, but it would be a lie. Telling the truth is a resolution I plan to keep.
But my hair looked good. Just sayin'.
6 comments:
Oh, this made me laugh! When I oversleep--the whole day is just a disaster! I guess I'm not the only one. Hope the rest of your week goes better!
Wow, what a day. Just proves that we really don't look at each other, or did you wear a themed cardigan around your waist?
NO. NO. NO. NO.
I DO NOT own any themed cardigans.
I had on my standard winter uniform...solid colored pants (black) and a solid color (creme) fleece jacket with pockets. Everything must have pockets these days--for all that crud I am required to have at a moments notice...keys, jump drive, blahblahblah.
FYI...I have already brushed my teeth this morning and I am wearing sage green pants and a brown jacket today.
Coincidence or not? Wife badmouths the ZOOM then suffers a ripped pair of pants. I suffered a moment of weakness last night and mentioned that maybe ZOOM is not the best tasting stuff on the planet and guess what? I rip the butt of my jeans tonight from the top of pocket to the bottom of the pocket loading water bottles into the backseat of the sweet ride at the store. I think we need to eat sacrificial ZOOM for the next five days to break the curse.
Oh, you two are funny! I did notice the tear in your pants and your breath but was kind enough not to say anything:) Hope your day off goes better than today Kelli!
You big tardy liar. I didn't see you yesterday. :) You have a wonderful day at home with those girls! Gifts like snow days should be cherished!
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